


Wait For Sleep

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Gen, meme response
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-03
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-02 23:51:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke deals with the fallout of Bespin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wait For Sleep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WynCatastrophe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WynCatastrophe/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Originally written for wyncatastrophe for a fic meme -- she requested the fallout of Bespin, any character. Decided, ultimately, to go with Luke -- if only to explain, in a way, how he went from hating Vader to ultimately trying to redeem him in the end.

  
  
Somehow, he didn't know how he was still breathing after everything that happened. Why, after the fact that his galaxy seemed to have been yanked out from under him  
  
 _Ben and Yoda had been lying to him since the day they met him. He'd failed to save Han and Leia -- if anything, he'd most likely condemned Han to captivity at Jabba's palace through his actions, as much as Leia tried to reassure him it wasn't his fault. And...so many other things that he couldn't name_  
  
the Force hadn't granted him a quick death. A fall into Bespin's atmosphere, maybe. But somehow...somehow, it had let him live. He didn't know whether to be grateful to it or to quietly curse his rotten luck. Not that he was ungrateful to Leia, but even so...  
  
 _How can I possibly stay in the Rebellion when I am...the Dark Lord's son?_ Even that was difficult to admit. His father, the killer of the Jedi Order. Even now, trying to match up his dream image of his beloved father to the monster that had destroyed Alderaan, who had tortured his friends and killed his family and mentor, who had most likely killed his mother as well...even now, it brought his thoughts to a halt. _It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make any sense._  
  
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Leia and the others were still asleep -- Lando, the man who should have been Han, was most likely out on patrol. Even now...  
  
The worst part was that, somehow, there weren't any words to describe how he felt. Even letters he wrote to Vader, letters that would never be sent, couldn't sum up what happened. Even _how could you betray my mother and I like that_  
  
 _**he could almost picture that harsh laughter: "What do you know of your mother? Nothing." And the worst part was that it was probably true.** _  
  
and _Ben loved you up until his dying breath, and you cast him aside like garbage_ and _You're a slaughterer of millions_ couldn't sum up the confusion that continued to plague him each and every day. The constant question of whether it was just a nightmare, and he'd most likely wake up to Uncle Owen shouting at him to help him with the ever-failing vaporators again  
  
 _but then I wouldn't have met Han, or Leia, or anyone else. He supposed he should be grateful for that._  
  
or...  
  
 _I must be out of my mind._  
  
Even sleep, however, didn't bring refuge from Vader. Sleep...even now, he could feel Vader's presence at the back of his mind -- as terrifying as Vader's darkness was, there was something comforting about it -- something that reminded Luke of home. And other things -- earthy things such as carnage and yearning and lust. His father told him, without speaking, things he had to avoid -- perhaps more potently than Ben or Yoda ever did.  
  
His dreams were confused, jumbled -- the best he could gather were memories of waterfalls, and meadows, and somehow, his father was with him -- when he awoke, however, the meadow was gone -- and Vader's presence lurking at the back of his mind was a less than comforting thing. _Leave me, Father. You've done enough already._  
  
 _Young one..._ That voice, smooth and deep and warm...temptation given near-physical form. _Are you all right?_  
  
 _I don't need you!_ Against his will, Luke could feel tears welling up in his eyes -- _damn me. There is no emotion...there is peace_ but even the Jedi Code couldn't ward off the sheer...discomfort, for lack of a better word that Vader made him feel. _Should be mine...he and mother and I would have been together happy, if not for the hate of the Emperor...unhappy chance..._   
  
Silence.  
  
 _You already took away everything I had. What more can you take from me?_  
  
For a moment, he thought he could feel Vader reaching out for him, gently brushing the tears from his cheeks. But it was just an illusion -- a false hope.  
  
 _One day, young one...you'll truly be happy to see me again._ Some amusement tinged his father's mind-voice -- gentle, a bit of scolding in it, a bit of love. _So much like Ben..._ But even that thought hurt. _In the meantime, I anticipate the day you come to your senses and join me. Think of what we could accomplish together..._  
  
 _Goodnight, Father._ As if sensing his curtness, Vader's presence withdrew -- Luke thought he could sense his father's disappointment at the loss of the mindtouch, but it didn't matter. _Vader's not my father. He's not...he always lies...he always lies..._  
  
But even that didn't work.  
  
Because despite everything, even now, Luke didn't know if it was quite that simple anymore.


End file.
